I am 10 weeks away from the moment where I put on my bathing suit and a smile and walk across the stage, I have to say up to now I have been "OK" with the workouts and "OK" with the diets, I have even been OK with the progress I have been making in the last few months, but after being calibrated today I am starting to feel the "PRESSURE" I know that ones body only can do so much in a given time, I know that my body is probably getting "used" to the diet after being on it for over 3 months now( most competitors start the diet 12 weeks out) and I know that I am doing what I need to be doing at this time, but it does make you question yourself when you don't meet the goals that you had set for yourself, it makes you question what more could you have done? It makes you question everything you have been doing this entire time, can I really do this? Do I have what it takes to compete? Will I be ready in time to wear a bikini on stage? What will my body really look like and how far am I going to have to push it to get these results?????
BUT what happens when you start to feel the pressure, what happens when everything your doing seems not to be working, what happens and what do you do when you start to second guess yourself??
You ask what pressure.... let me explain what I mean when I talk about Pressure... First and For most the pressure to achieve your goals you have set for yourself, no one Else's just YOU, everyone has those goals in their head that they want to see and feel, you are your own worst critic and judge. You always seem to want something that someone else has, i have learned to really appreciate what I have but I know what I still need so the pressure from still knowing where you have to go.
Pressure... the next kind of pressure comes from the trainer or coach, and no I am not talking about them pressuring you but the pressure YOU have on your shoulders to be the best you can be, and the BEST they want you to be. They are putting their name on you, they are showing everyone there skills and talents and you are the showcase, you prove how good they really are, you hold there name over your head wherever you go, people don't understand that a trainer cant live with you and make sure you are eating the right things, so its really not fare for them because in the end WE as clients make the choice to eat or not to eat these things, to get in our workouts when they aren't looking, we have to pressure to keep there name in good standings, we have the pressure to make sure everything WE do makes them look good as well. Pressure.... The pressure when your a mom and wife training for competitions. When all you want to do is go home and let exhaustion set in, but you know how much stuff really needs to be done, the house chores, the kids practices, from homework to cooking, to everything in between. the pressure to make sure all are taken care of and you still manage to spend quality time with them, even if this quality time consits of mommy laying in the carpet trying so hard to keep her eyes open as your little girl tells you about all the names of her babies and imaginary friends, quality time with your spouse trying not to yawn or talk about your day working out and making sure you listen to what they need and desire. Pressure..... the pressure of the diet, i have done many "diets" in my life, but I now know the true meaning of,"being on a diet" after these few months. The mental game you play with yourself is enough pressure right there to make anyone insane or go over the edge, the lack of carbs is incredibly hard not only on the body but the brain, I feel DUMB, seriously DUMB!!!! lol the pressure, when you bring your tilapia and asparagus to pizza hut to watch your husband and 3 children eat there weight in cheese pizza while you give them all the evil eye in the corner as you chew each bite with care, because you know how precious your food is. Pressure.... the final pressure may be the most intense and grueling pressure of all, the pressure of one about to be judged, as being a female and knowing someone is about to pick every part of your body apart and tell you what is "wrong" with it is not hard enough, going into this with a background like mine makes it that much more terrifying. Going into this journey, since day one I knew that I would be judged on stage, I knew that men and women would be sitting right in front of me looking at everything and judging on how well "they" think its put together, no one is perfect, we all have flaws and imperfections, and we as a society do not want those flaws to come out, we try our hardest to hide all the "bad" things about our body, if not with make up then with a larger shirts or longer shorts. We steer away from people that are going to judge us, or places that we thinkng we may be judged and looked at more, as a person that has dealt with an eating disorder I make SURE to stay away from individuals that I feel will judge me or look down on me for not being the same as them, and NOW i want to go flaunt my stuff in a bikini that was made for a toddler and have everyone, not only judges but all the other competitors and audience members look at me and judge me, Do they think I belong here? Do they think I am too fat to be on stage? Do they like my bathing suit? Is my tan not dark enough? all theses things and many more will be running through my head day of competition, BUT I have challenged myself with a question for the next 10 weeks, how to take all this PRESSURE and make it part of the entire experience??? To make it into something that gives me that extra push, to dig somewhere deep inside myself and find a power like no other, to take this PRESSURE and turn it into FUEL for my FIRE! To take every doubt in my head and let it motivate me to do that last rep, To take every judgment and and let it push me every second on my cardio routine. I know I have to find a inner strenght and let it be unleashed on the work out floor, the kitchen, and on that competition day. I know I am STRONG, I know I am a WINNER, I know I can do this and I know I WILL!!!
If you think you have seen me be BEAST! you ain't seen nothing yet!!!!!! I will do this, I will challenge and push myself to the extreme, I know I have got it in me, I know that I was meant to be here right now in my life, I know what its going to take to finish this out, and I know that even if I am not given a trophy on competition day, I know I am a WINNER either way....... BUT all I have to say is watch out because I AM SO NOT GOING TO MAKE WINNING EASY FOR THEM, WHEN IT COMES TO COMPETITION IM THE CHICK YOU SO DON'T WANNA MESS WITH, BECAUSE EVEN IF I DONT COME HOME WINNING YOU BEST BELIEVE I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE ITS A FIGHT UNTIL THE END, because that's what I do, I make sure I put 110% in whatever I do, when I set my mind to something I complete it with full confidence that I did the BEST I could do, and when you know that the PRESSURE of this competition doesn't seem as bad!!!!!!
