The Best way for me to stay away from food and wonderful treats was to start my training process.... 7 months of hard work and saying NO to everything in sight. Having a trainer texting you 24/7 asking what are you eating? when are you eating? how much are you eating?.... but what happens when the training is done? what happens when you no longer have someone over your shoulder making sure you are eating the proper sustainable foods? what happens when you can say YES to a CUPCake!!!!!!!!..........
WELCOME TO MY LIFE.......... you may be thinking right at this moment, how can this chick be unhappy, she just did something amazing, all she has to do is maintain now??? WRONG.... I am still that same person I was 7 months ago that LOVED her some sweets, the only problem is that i deprived myself for so long that when i start to eat... I CANT STOP! I want every single Oreo in a bag, I want ALL 6 cupcakes in a tin. DO you understand the horrid way I act when one of my kids Even thinks about touching my FROSTING???? yeah CRAZY... I KNOW!
but the sad truth is its a reality..... Sugar Addiction is so real! the answer to ALL of your questions to if I really eat ALL 6 cupcakes ummm NO but I want too, and I am horrible because i am so TICKED that I cant. And when I do eat all those outragoeus portions of foods, I RUN... RUN.... AND CROSSFIT. I exercise twice a day, and then some.. For about 3 months now I have been OFF of my "clean eating regimen" I'm talking every 4 days its TRICK OR TREAT for me... either I TRICK myself into buying something saying I will start back tomorrow, or I TREAT myself for doing so well for a few days":) WOW yeah I know.... CRAZY!
The point to this entire story today is there is HELP! I am on a 3 day stretch so far of "clean eating" I am drinking tons of water and taking probiotics.... I am trying my BEST to get my body out of this and back to some what normal stage... Is having sweets every once in a while a bad thing?? NO... NO... NO! IF you say NO for sooooooo LONG and finally say YES, its the worst BINGE fest you have ever been too. Mine was Cereal, Peanut Butter, and chocolate covered almonds for the first 3 DAYS after competition.... the point is EVERYTHING can be OK in MODERATION.... limit your time between cheat meals, don't go too long with out one, and when you DO HAVE THAT AMAZING "CHEAT MEAL", get back on track the NEXT MEAL... don't wait until the next day, or until the weekend is over, or until family leaves, or you leave from vacation.... start the next meal as Clean as can BE.
why not listen to some one's advice that has already been there, why take a CHANCE when the mistake has already been made and you ALREADY know the outcome..... give yourself a BREAK, but make sure its a short one because you may stay on vacation a little longer than expected if you don't.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Competition is over..... now what am i going to do????
I know taking a shower isn't something that people make a big deal about, but for me taking a shower meant washing off the last part of this Fitness Journey, as I sat there watching the dark color come off my skin I realized, I did it, I was done, my hard work paid off and I was able to place 4th in my first ever Figure Competition. I accomplished something that most people can only dream of doing and only a small percent actually accomplish. I realized that these past 6 months weren't for nothing, everything I ate, drank, and took(vitamin and supplement) were all for a reason, everything had a purpose on making me the BEST that I could be. Standing outside of the shower looking at a very different reflection in the mirror i asked myself, now what????
For 6 months now, I have been putting all my energy and heart into this goal of mine. This huge goal that I thought was so out of reach it seemed crazy to even try. The early morning work outs, the planning each meal and exactly what time to eat it and precisely how much to eat of it has been my entire life for 6 months. 6 months of having a goal, something to always strive for and a reason to push yourself that extra mile, because you know on stage you don't want to have any regrets. You want to know you gave your 110% at each workout session, at each meal, and at each posing class. You want to go into this knowing no matter the outcome you gave it all you had and some. So for 6 months that is what I did. I gave it my all, I trained my mind to look at food as energy a source to live off of, not something you can enjoy or over indulge yourself with. I looked at cardio as making my body as lean as it could be, and I looked at lifting weights as defining my muscles beyond what I could ever imagine. before long, food became something I didn't even want, i was tired of eating, cardio/running went from something i truly loved to something i hated to do, and lifting weights became so intense my body became so fatigued after just one set. but I knew that I had to push on. I had a goal insight and it was getting closer by the day. When I talk about being completely in this with no questions, I really mean I was in this and whatever my trainer told me to do, I did it. No questions asked, she jokes with me now saying if she had told me to do a sumo squat but put my hair in a bun and throw rice over my shoulder, she said she knows I would have done it in a heart beat! I was just that motivated and determined to do anything and everything to bring me closer to this dream of mine. So now this "dream" I had was an actual reality, it was something that was no longer in my future goals, it was a memory in my past, only "a few" memories of walking across the stage, only pictures now on my FB page that I look at every other day, trying so hard to remember what it felt like, what I looked like.
Most of you might think, gosh she doesn't sound happy about being done, how can someone not be excited to eat REAL FOOD again, well its not just that easy, "real food" well after doing what I did to my body even a piece of Ezekiel toast would have jacked it up, but I went farther than that, after 2 Pb&j sandwiches and chocolate covered almonds, after eating scrambled eggs and a biscuit the next morning, and after taking almost 2 weeks off from the gym to go and spend time with family and eating whatever I wanted, MY BODY WAS DONE< IS DONE!!! it has no idea what I am doing to it right now, it is probably screaming at me saying, you starved me and depleted me of all nutrients and water then you want me to what, DIGEST??? yeah right, think again!! for the past 2.5 weeks i have felt so FAT, and when I mean FAT i mean BLOATED to the EXTREME! my bowels are screwed and EMOTIONS....ummmm yeah lets not even go there. I keep looking in the mirror trying to find the person that just walked across that stage 3 weeks ago, I keep looking over my shoulder at the gym waiting for someone to look at me different or someone to say wow you have changed in just a short time. I feel like everyone is judging me for gaining 5 lbs, knowing that there are 2 kinds of people at the gym, FIRST, you have the ones that know what you went through, watched your progress, and are that FLIPPING GOOD to see 5 lbs on the body, and I only know ONE person at our gym that can do that:) OR you have the other kind of people that have no idea I gained anything, they still think I look like i did on competition week :( they have no idea but its a nice gesture! either way though does it really matter what anyone thinks? and if so WHY??? I didn't go through all of this for anyone but MYSELF so why am I going to let a few "stares" (not even sure meant for me) bother me so much??
I mentioned to a few people I feel lost, like I have no GOALS anymore, but as I am writing this blog and talking to my trainer, and just having time to reflect, I realized that I do have a FEW new goals, ONE, getting back to normal, its much easier said then done. it takes so much out of you physically and mentally and that much more to get it back:) TWO, try and help or motivate one person to fulfill there goals and dreams no matter how far out of reach they may seem. THREE... LOVE MYSELF! no matter at 130 lbs or 135 to make sure I look in the mirror and feel that same pride and achievement and sexiness that I did when I saw myself all dolled up Saturday morning. To give myself a break and let myself enjoy food again. To not be so into my diets and workouts that I lose sight of the important things in life, to enjoy moments with my kids again, and enjoy taking them to chickfila and eating a bite of there ice cream cone. To be OK with ME, and know that I accomplished something I never thought possible, but its in my PAST now and I only have the future to look towards, will another COMPETITION be in that path????? I still haven't answered that question just yet...............................;) ;)
For 6 months now, I have been putting all my energy and heart into this goal of mine. This huge goal that I thought was so out of reach it seemed crazy to even try. The early morning work outs, the planning each meal and exactly what time to eat it and precisely how much to eat of it has been my entire life for 6 months. 6 months of having a goal, something to always strive for and a reason to push yourself that extra mile, because you know on stage you don't want to have any regrets. You want to know you gave your 110% at each workout session, at each meal, and at each posing class. You want to go into this knowing no matter the outcome you gave it all you had and some. So for 6 months that is what I did. I gave it my all, I trained my mind to look at food as energy a source to live off of, not something you can enjoy or over indulge yourself with. I looked at cardio as making my body as lean as it could be, and I looked at lifting weights as defining my muscles beyond what I could ever imagine. before long, food became something I didn't even want, i was tired of eating, cardio/running went from something i truly loved to something i hated to do, and lifting weights became so intense my body became so fatigued after just one set. but I knew that I had to push on. I had a goal insight and it was getting closer by the day. When I talk about being completely in this with no questions, I really mean I was in this and whatever my trainer told me to do, I did it. No questions asked, she jokes with me now saying if she had told me to do a sumo squat but put my hair in a bun and throw rice over my shoulder, she said she knows I would have done it in a heart beat! I was just that motivated and determined to do anything and everything to bring me closer to this dream of mine. So now this "dream" I had was an actual reality, it was something that was no longer in my future goals, it was a memory in my past, only "a few" memories of walking across the stage, only pictures now on my FB page that I look at every other day, trying so hard to remember what it felt like, what I looked like.
Most of you might think, gosh she doesn't sound happy about being done, how can someone not be excited to eat REAL FOOD again, well its not just that easy, "real food" well after doing what I did to my body even a piece of Ezekiel toast would have jacked it up, but I went farther than that, after 2 Pb&j sandwiches and chocolate covered almonds, after eating scrambled eggs and a biscuit the next morning, and after taking almost 2 weeks off from the gym to go and spend time with family and eating whatever I wanted, MY BODY WAS DONE< IS DONE!!! it has no idea what I am doing to it right now, it is probably screaming at me saying, you starved me and depleted me of all nutrients and water then you want me to what, DIGEST??? yeah right, think again!! for the past 2.5 weeks i have felt so FAT, and when I mean FAT i mean BLOATED to the EXTREME! my bowels are screwed and EMOTIONS....ummmm yeah lets not even go there. I keep looking in the mirror trying to find the person that just walked across that stage 3 weeks ago, I keep looking over my shoulder at the gym waiting for someone to look at me different or someone to say wow you have changed in just a short time. I feel like everyone is judging me for gaining 5 lbs, knowing that there are 2 kinds of people at the gym, FIRST, you have the ones that know what you went through, watched your progress, and are that FLIPPING GOOD to see 5 lbs on the body, and I only know ONE person at our gym that can do that:) OR you have the other kind of people that have no idea I gained anything, they still think I look like i did on competition week :( they have no idea but its a nice gesture! either way though does it really matter what anyone thinks? and if so WHY??? I didn't go through all of this for anyone but MYSELF so why am I going to let a few "stares" (not even sure meant for me) bother me so much??
I mentioned to a few people I feel lost, like I have no GOALS anymore, but as I am writing this blog and talking to my trainer, and just having time to reflect, I realized that I do have a FEW new goals, ONE, getting back to normal, its much easier said then done. it takes so much out of you physically and mentally and that much more to get it back:) TWO, try and help or motivate one person to fulfill there goals and dreams no matter how far out of reach they may seem. THREE... LOVE MYSELF! no matter at 130 lbs or 135 to make sure I look in the mirror and feel that same pride and achievement and sexiness that I did when I saw myself all dolled up Saturday morning. To give myself a break and let myself enjoy food again. To not be so into my diets and workouts that I lose sight of the important things in life, to enjoy moments with my kids again, and enjoy taking them to chickfila and eating a bite of there ice cream cone. To be OK with ME, and know that I accomplished something I never thought possible, but its in my PAST now and I only have the future to look towards, will another COMPETITION be in that path????? I still haven't answered that question just yet...............................;) ;)
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
The Pressure.... enough said.
I am 10 weeks away from the moment where I put on my bathing suit and a smile and walk across the stage, I have to say up to now I have been "OK" with the workouts and "OK" with the diets, I have even been OK with the progress I have been making in the last few months, but after being calibrated today I am starting to feel the "PRESSURE" I know that ones body only can do so much in a given time, I know that my body is probably getting "used" to the diet after being on it for over 3 months now( most competitors start the diet 12 weeks out) and I know that I am doing what I need to be doing at this time, but it does make you question yourself when you don't meet the goals that you had set for yourself, it makes you question what more could you have done? It makes you question everything you have been doing this entire time, can I really do this? Do I have what it takes to compete? Will I be ready in time to wear a bikini on stage? What will my body really look like and how far am I going to have to push it to get these results?????
BUT what happens when you start to feel the pressure, what happens when everything your doing seems not to be working, what happens and what do you do when you start to second guess yourself??
You ask what pressure.... let me explain what I mean when I talk about Pressure... First and For most the pressure to achieve your goals you have set for yourself, no one Else's just YOU, everyone has those goals in their head that they want to see and feel, you are your own worst critic and judge. You always seem to want something that someone else has, i have learned to really appreciate what I have but I know what I still need so the pressure from still knowing where you have to go.
Pressure... the next kind of pressure comes from the trainer or coach, and no I am not talking about them pressuring you but the pressure YOU have on your shoulders to be the best you can be, and the BEST they want you to be. They are putting their name on you, they are showing everyone there skills and talents and you are the showcase, you prove how good they really are, you hold there name over your head wherever you go, people don't understand that a trainer cant live with you and make sure you are eating the right things, so its really not fare for them because in the end WE as clients make the choice to eat or not to eat these things, to get in our workouts when they aren't looking, we have to pressure to keep there name in good standings, we have the pressure to make sure everything WE do makes them look good as well. Pressure.... The pressure when your a mom and wife training for competitions. When all you want to do is go home and let exhaustion set in, but you know how much stuff really needs to be done, the house chores, the kids practices, from homework to cooking, to everything in between. the pressure to make sure all are taken care of and you still manage to spend quality time with them, even if this quality time consits of mommy laying in the carpet trying so hard to keep her eyes open as your little girl tells you about all the names of her babies and imaginary friends, quality time with your spouse trying not to yawn or talk about your day working out and making sure you listen to what they need and desire. Pressure..... the pressure of the diet, i have done many "diets" in my life, but I now know the true meaning of,"being on a diet" after these few months. The mental game you play with yourself is enough pressure right there to make anyone insane or go over the edge, the lack of carbs is incredibly hard not only on the body but the brain, I feel DUMB, seriously DUMB!!!! lol the pressure, when you bring your tilapia and asparagus to pizza hut to watch your husband and 3 children eat there weight in cheese pizza while you give them all the evil eye in the corner as you chew each bite with care, because you know how precious your food is. Pressure.... the final pressure may be the most intense and grueling pressure of all, the pressure of one about to be judged, as being a female and knowing someone is about to pick every part of your body apart and tell you what is "wrong" with it is not hard enough, going into this with a background like mine makes it that much more terrifying. Going into this journey, since day one I knew that I would be judged on stage, I knew that men and women would be sitting right in front of me looking at everything and judging on how well "they" think its put together, no one is perfect, we all have flaws and imperfections, and we as a society do not want those flaws to come out, we try our hardest to hide all the "bad" things about our body, if not with make up then with a larger shirts or longer shorts. We steer away from people that are going to judge us, or places that we thinkng we may be judged and looked at more, as a person that has dealt with an eating disorder I make SURE to stay away from individuals that I feel will judge me or look down on me for not being the same as them, and NOW i want to go flaunt my stuff in a bikini that was made for a toddler and have everyone, not only judges but all the other competitors and audience members look at me and judge me, Do they think I belong here? Do they think I am too fat to be on stage? Do they like my bathing suit? Is my tan not dark enough? all theses things and many more will be running through my head day of competition, BUT I have challenged myself with a question for the next 10 weeks, how to take all this PRESSURE and make it part of the entire experience??? To make it into something that gives me that extra push, to dig somewhere deep inside myself and find a power like no other, to take this PRESSURE and turn it into FUEL for my FIRE! To take every doubt in my head and let it motivate me to do that last rep, To take every judgment and and let it push me every second on my cardio routine. I know I have to find a inner strenght and let it be unleashed on the work out floor, the kitchen, and on that competition day. I know I am STRONG, I know I am a WINNER, I know I can do this and I know I WILL!!!
If you think you have seen me be BEAST! you ain't seen nothing yet!!!!!! I will do this, I will challenge and push myself to the extreme, I know I have got it in me, I know that I was meant to be here right now in my life, I know what its going to take to finish this out, and I know that even if I am not given a trophy on competition day, I know I am a WINNER either way....... BUT all I have to say is watch out because I AM SO NOT GOING TO MAKE WINNING EASY FOR THEM, WHEN IT COMES TO COMPETITION IM THE CHICK YOU SO DON'T WANNA MESS WITH, BECAUSE EVEN IF I DONT COME HOME WINNING YOU BEST BELIEVE I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE ITS A FIGHT UNTIL THE END, because that's what I do, I make sure I put 110% in whatever I do, when I set my mind to something I complete it with full confidence that I did the BEST I could do, and when you know that the PRESSURE of this competition doesn't seem as bad!!!!!!
BUT what happens when you start to feel the pressure, what happens when everything your doing seems not to be working, what happens and what do you do when you start to second guess yourself??
You ask what pressure.... let me explain what I mean when I talk about Pressure... First and For most the pressure to achieve your goals you have set for yourself, no one Else's just YOU, everyone has those goals in their head that they want to see and feel, you are your own worst critic and judge. You always seem to want something that someone else has, i have learned to really appreciate what I have but I know what I still need so the pressure from still knowing where you have to go.
Pressure... the next kind of pressure comes from the trainer or coach, and no I am not talking about them pressuring you but the pressure YOU have on your shoulders to be the best you can be, and the BEST they want you to be. They are putting their name on you, they are showing everyone there skills and talents and you are the showcase, you prove how good they really are, you hold there name over your head wherever you go, people don't understand that a trainer cant live with you and make sure you are eating the right things, so its really not fare for them because in the end WE as clients make the choice to eat or not to eat these things, to get in our workouts when they aren't looking, we have to pressure to keep there name in good standings, we have the pressure to make sure everything WE do makes them look good as well. Pressure.... The pressure when your a mom and wife training for competitions. When all you want to do is go home and let exhaustion set in, but you know how much stuff really needs to be done, the house chores, the kids practices, from homework to cooking, to everything in between. the pressure to make sure all are taken care of and you still manage to spend quality time with them, even if this quality time consits of mommy laying in the carpet trying so hard to keep her eyes open as your little girl tells you about all the names of her babies and imaginary friends, quality time with your spouse trying not to yawn or talk about your day working out and making sure you listen to what they need and desire. Pressure..... the pressure of the diet, i have done many "diets" in my life, but I now know the true meaning of,"being on a diet" after these few months. The mental game you play with yourself is enough pressure right there to make anyone insane or go over the edge, the lack of carbs is incredibly hard not only on the body but the brain, I feel DUMB, seriously DUMB!!!! lol the pressure, when you bring your tilapia and asparagus to pizza hut to watch your husband and 3 children eat there weight in cheese pizza while you give them all the evil eye in the corner as you chew each bite with care, because you know how precious your food is. Pressure.... the final pressure may be the most intense and grueling pressure of all, the pressure of one about to be judged, as being a female and knowing someone is about to pick every part of your body apart and tell you what is "wrong" with it is not hard enough, going into this with a background like mine makes it that much more terrifying. Going into this journey, since day one I knew that I would be judged on stage, I knew that men and women would be sitting right in front of me looking at everything and judging on how well "they" think its put together, no one is perfect, we all have flaws and imperfections, and we as a society do not want those flaws to come out, we try our hardest to hide all the "bad" things about our body, if not with make up then with a larger shirts or longer shorts. We steer away from people that are going to judge us, or places that we thinkng we may be judged and looked at more, as a person that has dealt with an eating disorder I make SURE to stay away from individuals that I feel will judge me or look down on me for not being the same as them, and NOW i want to go flaunt my stuff in a bikini that was made for a toddler and have everyone, not only judges but all the other competitors and audience members look at me and judge me, Do they think I belong here? Do they think I am too fat to be on stage? Do they like my bathing suit? Is my tan not dark enough? all theses things and many more will be running through my head day of competition, BUT I have challenged myself with a question for the next 10 weeks, how to take all this PRESSURE and make it part of the entire experience??? To make it into something that gives me that extra push, to dig somewhere deep inside myself and find a power like no other, to take this PRESSURE and turn it into FUEL for my FIRE! To take every doubt in my head and let it motivate me to do that last rep, To take every judgment and and let it push me every second on my cardio routine. I know I have to find a inner strenght and let it be unleashed on the work out floor, the kitchen, and on that competition day. I know I am STRONG, I know I am a WINNER, I know I can do this and I know I WILL!!!
If you think you have seen me be BEAST! you ain't seen nothing yet!!!!!! I will do this, I will challenge and push myself to the extreme, I know I have got it in me, I know that I was meant to be here right now in my life, I know what its going to take to finish this out, and I know that even if I am not given a trophy on competition day, I know I am a WINNER either way....... BUT all I have to say is watch out because I AM SO NOT GOING TO MAKE WINNING EASY FOR THEM, WHEN IT COMES TO COMPETITION IM THE CHICK YOU SO DON'T WANNA MESS WITH, BECAUSE EVEN IF I DONT COME HOME WINNING YOU BEST BELIEVE I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE ITS A FIGHT UNTIL THE END, because that's what I do, I make sure I put 110% in whatever I do, when I set my mind to something I complete it with full confidence that I did the BEST I could do, and when you know that the PRESSURE of this competition doesn't seem as bad!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
A poem for fellow competitors...
The Competition
I can’t, I won’t, I am not aren’t words in a vocabulary of a Competitor, I am, I can, I will be are the words they best describes them a little better.
Many things come into play when training for a show; you get it all the good the bad, the highs and the lows.
But, do you know what it really takes to be ONE of them? What it’s all about? Let me try to explain to you all the in’s and out’s.
The dirty looks of people thinking you were just born that way, the mood swings, hormone changes, and body malfunctions are just another day. The constant drain and fatigue on the body is the price you have to pay.
The hours spent away from family and friends, relationships are tested they waver and bend.
Mornings are long, afternoons are longer, nights are great because you know that when your body gets stronger.
You go to bed knowing what the next day will bring, but when that 4 am alarm goes off its nothing but a thing.
Because you know what you are training for, you know the heart and determination it takes and so much more.
You know the competitive drive you must need, you know it’s all about heart, strength, dedication, and speed!
You know what your body will become; you know it takes 110% and then SOME…
I know what I have to do to be my very best, it’s all about me and what I bring SCREW the REST!
Endurance, Strength, mind over body is what it takes, extended sessions, expenses, and sacrifices you have to make.
The hours of hard work you must put in, and even thinking about cheating with one golden FRY is possibly one of the 5 deadly sins.
Time it takes ordering your food when you’re out, NO I don’t want it covered in butter, NO I don’t want extra salt, please someone HELP A SISTER OUT!
Hours you spend in the isles at the grocery store, it’s tiring, draining, and exhausting and the food is a real bore!!
The money you spend to have someone else kick your BUTT! Pivot here, flex there, stand up straight, belly in or BUST!
At the end of the day if I know I gave it my ALL, then it’s on me whether or not I sink or fall.
All the training has lead me here right now, I have to find my enter strength some way somehow.
The posing classes, long training sessions, the bathing suit fittings, and tannings, the mood swings and two a days, have lead up to this moment in time…. So shoulders back, tummy tight, and start to pose… because ready, set, GO is all your trainer has to left to say because it’s here, you made it, COMPETITION DAY!
Samantha Harvey 4/24/2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Journey may have been long, but so worth it...
Pregnancy is suppose to be a beautiful thing, time to celebrate, buy new clothes, and EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! I like most women indulged in many different kinds of food while pregnant with my first child. I really thought, "hey, you are 18 years old, why not eat whatever you want, you have been trying to diet for years now and now is your time to indulge ALL of your craving's" so that is exactly what I did..... INDULGE is not the right word, GORGE...is more like it. 80 lbs later and my little man was born, after leaving the hospital I got a cheeseburger and swore it would be my last since when I got home later that day that is when my "DIET" would start.... 6 months later and only 25 lbs down, up all night nursing a baby and starving I thought why am I doing this to myself??? so I gave in I tried very hard to eat "well" but when it was all said and done I had no idea what eating well even meant. When my little man was about a year in a half and only losing not even half of my pregnancy weight I found out that we were expecting our second child... I was super excited but kind of bummed that I wasn't able to get all the prego weight off, I told myself that I wouldn't gain all that weight this time, i would keep working out like I had been doing and not eat for 2.... better said then done, after gaining 55 lbs with my second I topped the scale at 242 lbs weighing more than my 6 foot 1 husband and me being only 5'4 I was HUGE!! I was miserable I became very depressed and discouraged thinking I would never be that "cute pregnant" person, i was always the bigger friend, always the heavier set one, bigger bones.... I felt hopeless on my weight loss journey and became very depressed after having my beautiful little girl. When my daughter was about 6 months old I finally went to the Dr and told them how I was feeling and they classified it as " post-part um depression" I got on medicine and started to feel a little better in general, but every time I walked by the mirror I was horrified, disgusted... many people say you have to LOVE yourself first before you can ever love someone else or make a change in your life, but how could I love something that I thought was so ugly???? When Maddie was about 10 months old I was so tired of feeling the way I did, so i began to take laxatives, NO they didn't make me lose much weight BUT I could eat whatever I wanted and not Gain.....one day my husband confronted me about them and i knew I had to be completely honest so I told him the truth about what I was doing to myself and how much I didn't love myself. He took all the laxatives out of the house (and to this day I am only allowed to drink coffee or tea to help regulate) :) that day I knew I had to make a change in my life not only for me but for my entire family, God didn't want me to be so miserable, he wants me to LOVE myself for me, do I think that God wanted me to be skinny?? NO! but he does want his children to be happy and healthy, and the way I was living was neither.
July 2009 I decided to quit making excuses and get off my Fat, Unhealthy BUTT and do something about it, I began to eat better, and began to walk at the park, after walking at the park a few months I decided to but an elliptical and began to go to weight watchers to help me even more.... 6 months later and 30 lbs down I knew I wanted to push myself so I joined a local gym and talked with a personal trainer there to help even more with my diet and eating needs. I worked out very hard for 5 months and ate everything she told me to eat with just a few cheat meals a week and finally after a year of persistence I lost 100 lbs.... I felt better than I had ever felt before!! I was absolutely in love with myself, my family, and became closer to God through this experience, many people truly don't understand the will power you have to have to lose 100 lbs, the mind set you have to be in to say "NO" to certain foods, I would pray so hard sometimes for God just to not let me crave the oreos in my pantry:)
November 2010 I ran my first half marathon in 2 hrs and 15 min... a girl who just a year earlier was 242 lbs ran a Half Marathon in pretty good time, I thought i was the Bomb, I knew I had finally reached a place in my life I was satisfied with what I looked like, but like most women we are never complete satisfied. That next week I committed to start training for a Figure Competition that was 9 months away, but God had a different plan for my life..... 5 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child:) I was so happy and full of JOY, but in my head I was a wreck, I was so scared that I was going to gain all the weight back and have to start over from square one!!
Jumping ahead 10 months, and moving 1000 miles from home I had a beautiful baby boy and only gained about 28 lbs, but with a horrible c-section I felt like I was starting from square one when I stepped into the gym 9 weeks after having the baby, my body was so tired after just doing 15 min on the treadmill, I felt so weak and down on myself that I wasn't able to "bounce right back".. my hubby would tell me, sam you have had 3 kids/c-sections, and this last one was a horrible one, you will come back just wait" but I didn't want to hear it, I was 175 lbs and starting to feel like I did before. I knew I was going to have to do something quick before the "old sam" came back. I stuck it out I began to workout 4 to 5 times a week for about an hour each time, i would lift weights and do cardio, but I wasn't losing like I wanted too. When Colton was about 8 months old I decided I wanted to get a personal trainer, I needed someone to push me farther than I had ever pushed myself, I knew I still wanted to compete one day, but how can a mom of 3 kids, with stretch marks and some loose skin get on a stage and be in a bikini, how can a person commit to a very strict diet and work out regimen, I didn't know the answers to any of these questions but ONE thing I did know is that there are so many "women, moms" out there just like me and I wanted not only to do this to "prove" something to myself but I also wanted to help prove something to other busty, working or stay at home mom's, that it is possible to complete your dreams even if they are a little later then planned and you don't look the same way you used to, just to complete something like this will mean the WORLD to me.
here are a few pics that were taken over my weight loss journey, i have a few more I will be putting up once I find them, thanks so much for reading my story!
December 2011 I began working with a wonderful personal trainer, we begin to look at what I am eating and overall work out routine, in the just a month I had lost about 5 lbs and a 5 inches and I was so happy!! I was finally coming back, but I knew there was one more thing to accomplish before I said I had met ALL my FITNESS goals, ( A FIGURE COMPETITION) I begin talking with my trainer and telling her my dreams and my thoughts on competing, she wasn't sure but her being not just a trainer but a really good friend told me she would take it on and we began training for the competition which is in July 2012..... it is now May 2012 and I am 3 months away from my first ever competition, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, it takes not only physical strength but mental and a whole lot of dedication, but I look at the results each time we measure or weigh, i look where I have come from. I am now 136 lbs, i have lost a little over 105lbs and in the best shape of my life, I can do things now that i thought I would never be able to do again, I still have every day trials and obstacles when it comes to training and eating BUT when I look at my before pics and see where I have come from I feel so much Joy and Relief that's the "old Sam" that's not me anymore, i have truly changed in the past 3 years, i have become stronger, while overcoming a eating disorder, obesity, and horrible depression, I have realized we all go through things in life to make us stronger humans, my story is not the same as another, we are all unique when it comes to our weight loss/ fitness stories and goals, but we do have something in common, we ALL want to be better at the end of the day, we ALL want to look in a mirror and feel beautiful, NO being skinny or in shape doesn't define what kind of heart and soul you have but it does make you a much better friend, wife, mother to know that YOU LOOK good and you are in the BEST SHAPE of your life. My story is still not over and probably wont stop at just the competition, I know there are much more things out there for me to conquer and achieve, but I wanted to share what my struggles have been and what I have faced over the last 3 years to get where I am today, i hope you feel inspired that anyone can make a change in there life they just have to WANT IT!! WANT IT BAD!!!!!!!
July 2009 I decided to quit making excuses and get off my Fat, Unhealthy BUTT and do something about it, I began to eat better, and began to walk at the park, after walking at the park a few months I decided to but an elliptical and began to go to weight watchers to help me even more.... 6 months later and 30 lbs down I knew I wanted to push myself so I joined a local gym and talked with a personal trainer there to help even more with my diet and eating needs. I worked out very hard for 5 months and ate everything she told me to eat with just a few cheat meals a week and finally after a year of persistence I lost 100 lbs.... I felt better than I had ever felt before!! I was absolutely in love with myself, my family, and became closer to God through this experience, many people truly don't understand the will power you have to have to lose 100 lbs, the mind set you have to be in to say "NO" to certain foods, I would pray so hard sometimes for God just to not let me crave the oreos in my pantry:)
November 2010 I ran my first half marathon in 2 hrs and 15 min... a girl who just a year earlier was 242 lbs ran a Half Marathon in pretty good time, I thought i was the Bomb, I knew I had finally reached a place in my life I was satisfied with what I looked like, but like most women we are never complete satisfied. That next week I committed to start training for a Figure Competition that was 9 months away, but God had a different plan for my life..... 5 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child:) I was so happy and full of JOY, but in my head I was a wreck, I was so scared that I was going to gain all the weight back and have to start over from square one!!
Jumping ahead 10 months, and moving 1000 miles from home I had a beautiful baby boy and only gained about 28 lbs, but with a horrible c-section I felt like I was starting from square one when I stepped into the gym 9 weeks after having the baby, my body was so tired after just doing 15 min on the treadmill, I felt so weak and down on myself that I wasn't able to "bounce right back".. my hubby would tell me, sam you have had 3 kids/c-sections, and this last one was a horrible one, you will come back just wait" but I didn't want to hear it, I was 175 lbs and starting to feel like I did before. I knew I was going to have to do something quick before the "old sam" came back. I stuck it out I began to workout 4 to 5 times a week for about an hour each time, i would lift weights and do cardio, but I wasn't losing like I wanted too. When Colton was about 8 months old I decided I wanted to get a personal trainer, I needed someone to push me farther than I had ever pushed myself, I knew I still wanted to compete one day, but how can a mom of 3 kids, with stretch marks and some loose skin get on a stage and be in a bikini, how can a person commit to a very strict diet and work out regimen, I didn't know the answers to any of these questions but ONE thing I did know is that there are so many "women, moms" out there just like me and I wanted not only to do this to "prove" something to myself but I also wanted to help prove something to other busty, working or stay at home mom's, that it is possible to complete your dreams even if they are a little later then planned and you don't look the same way you used to, just to complete something like this will mean the WORLD to me.
here are a few pics that were taken over my weight loss journey, i have a few more I will be putting up once I find them, thanks so much for reading my story!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Finding the right Trainer/Coach.....
How do you know when you have found the right trainer? What do you look for when choosing from hundreds of Fitness Coaches?? Why does it matter who your trainer is?
These are just a few of the questions I had when looking for a personal trainer about 4 months ago, I knew we had a handful of good trainers at the gym I was going too but I knew I needed the BEST! 4 months ago I wasn't planning on doing a competition in July all i wanted to do was get my pre baby (some what of body) back. I knew that I was very competitive and driven and I needed someone to push me to my limits and then some. I knew I wanted a female trainer(nothing against you boys) but females tend to handle the emotional/psycho behavior of me better:) and I knew she had to know her STUFF!! the first time I met Nikki was in a Rowing Certification... not only did she kick my BUTT but she did it in a way that I didn't even realize i was exhausted until a hr later when we were done rowing, she pushed me and not just yelling in my face, she pushed me to make me see what she saw, that I could keep going and not to give up.
a few months later I began to talk to Nikki about personal training, i had no idea she trained. after begging my hubby to let me train with her, a friend and I got 12 sessions and split them, so we could have 6 a piece. That next Tuesday morning was the first day of this amazing journey, after only 35 min of abs and a fitness test I was DONE, i felt so defeated and discouraged, i thought i was stronger than that, i thought I could have pushed harder, and I thought( this chick is coo-coo) :) like a good trainer Nikki began to tell me that I did a good job and its only the first day, if it was easy for me then what good was she? I listened but figured this is what she tells ALL her clients what makes me any different then every other person she trains??
about a month in a half down the road we did the same initial work out again, I realized I had gotten stronger and it motivated me even more. I began to get in better shape, clothes began to loosen up and people began to see the change in my body. After 2.5 months of training with her I had lost 8 lbs (which when you are at your last 15, 8 is a good number) and I had lost about 6 inches overall. I knew I had found my Fitness Coach SOUL MATE:) after talking with Nikki for another month I decided I wanted to do a Figure Competition, not only was this a huge thing for me but also for her, she has only trained male clients for these kind of competitions, and I was a handful in itself lol. with saying that needless to say our session became so much more intense in the last month, she has pushed me harder then i ever thought possible! I tell myself every day she must see something in me that I cant see, because I never thought I could do some of the things she has told me to do. In the past few months I feel like I have gone on such a emotional and physical journey that some people would go through in a few years, and through it ALL i have had such a inspirational person by my side... not only is she my PT but I consider her one of my Best Friends, not many people can say," I have a trainer that is my BFF and that still pushes me hard". If you think for one second this chick lets me off the HOOK or of she gives me a break because we are friends, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN!! and that is one of the qualities I needed in a trainer because to succeed and be the best you cant have a trainer that listens to the BULL, they have to push no matter is you tell them, you have been up all night with a one year old or if it's your "girl time" :) they need to push you past all the excuses, THAT'S ONE THING THAT MAKES NOT JUST A GOOD TRAINER, BUT AN AMAZING ONE!!!!
BUT...... even though they push you and have the passion to get something out of you that you didn't know was there, they should also have a passion to really listen to you, that is another aspect to Nikki. This chick will sit there for hours if need be and listen to how defeated you feel, or how the diet sucks so bad, or how much you want to shove the food your eating down you hubby's throat because all he is eating is FLIPPING PIZZA:) a good trainer will listen to whatever you have to say but THE BEST trainers will take what you say and tell you how to fix it or a better solution to the problem.
All I really have to say is I found a trainer that embodies everything I wanted and needed and more in a Coach, I would not have gotten this far with out someone pushing me like she does... YES I have to make the food choices on my own and I have to get up in the morning to make myself get to the gym, BUT i know that for one second I could call or text her and she would be there for me, even if it was to give me encouragement or if to put me in my place and make me realize my goals will not be met if I am not 110% committed!!! I am so lucky to have this girl in my life and so excited to see what we can do with my body in the next 4 months:) I am so grateful to have this opportunity and to share such a BIG DREAM with such a FANTASTIC PERSON!!!!!!
These are just a few of the questions I had when looking for a personal trainer about 4 months ago, I knew we had a handful of good trainers at the gym I was going too but I knew I needed the BEST! 4 months ago I wasn't planning on doing a competition in July all i wanted to do was get my pre baby (some what of body) back. I knew that I was very competitive and driven and I needed someone to push me to my limits and then some. I knew I wanted a female trainer(nothing against you boys) but females tend to handle the emotional/psycho behavior of me better:) and I knew she had to know her STUFF!! the first time I met Nikki was in a Rowing Certification... not only did she kick my BUTT but she did it in a way that I didn't even realize i was exhausted until a hr later when we were done rowing, she pushed me and not just yelling in my face, she pushed me to make me see what she saw, that I could keep going and not to give up.
a few months later I began to talk to Nikki about personal training, i had no idea she trained. after begging my hubby to let me train with her, a friend and I got 12 sessions and split them, so we could have 6 a piece. That next Tuesday morning was the first day of this amazing journey, after only 35 min of abs and a fitness test I was DONE, i felt so defeated and discouraged, i thought i was stronger than that, i thought I could have pushed harder, and I thought( this chick is coo-coo) :) like a good trainer Nikki began to tell me that I did a good job and its only the first day, if it was easy for me then what good was she? I listened but figured this is what she tells ALL her clients what makes me any different then every other person she trains??
about a month in a half down the road we did the same initial work out again, I realized I had gotten stronger and it motivated me even more. I began to get in better shape, clothes began to loosen up and people began to see the change in my body. After 2.5 months of training with her I had lost 8 lbs (which when you are at your last 15, 8 is a good number) and I had lost about 6 inches overall. I knew I had found my Fitness Coach SOUL MATE:) after talking with Nikki for another month I decided I wanted to do a Figure Competition, not only was this a huge thing for me but also for her, she has only trained male clients for these kind of competitions, and I was a handful in itself lol. with saying that needless to say our session became so much more intense in the last month, she has pushed me harder then i ever thought possible! I tell myself every day she must see something in me that I cant see, because I never thought I could do some of the things she has told me to do. In the past few months I feel like I have gone on such a emotional and physical journey that some people would go through in a few years, and through it ALL i have had such a inspirational person by my side... not only is she my PT but I consider her one of my Best Friends, not many people can say," I have a trainer that is my BFF and that still pushes me hard". If you think for one second this chick lets me off the HOOK or of she gives me a break because we are friends, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN!! and that is one of the qualities I needed in a trainer because to succeed and be the best you cant have a trainer that listens to the BULL, they have to push no matter is you tell them, you have been up all night with a one year old or if it's your "girl time" :) they need to push you past all the excuses, THAT'S ONE THING THAT MAKES NOT JUST A GOOD TRAINER, BUT AN AMAZING ONE!!!!
BUT...... even though they push you and have the passion to get something out of you that you didn't know was there, they should also have a passion to really listen to you, that is another aspect to Nikki. This chick will sit there for hours if need be and listen to how defeated you feel, or how the diet sucks so bad, or how much you want to shove the food your eating down you hubby's throat because all he is eating is FLIPPING PIZZA:) a good trainer will listen to whatever you have to say but THE BEST trainers will take what you say and tell you how to fix it or a better solution to the problem.
All I really have to say is I found a trainer that embodies everything I wanted and needed and more in a Coach, I would not have gotten this far with out someone pushing me like she does... YES I have to make the food choices on my own and I have to get up in the morning to make myself get to the gym, BUT i know that for one second I could call or text her and she would be there for me, even if it was to give me encouragement or if to put me in my place and make me realize my goals will not be met if I am not 110% committed!!! I am so lucky to have this girl in my life and so excited to see what we can do with my body in the next 4 months:) I am so grateful to have this opportunity and to share such a BIG DREAM with such a FANTASTIC PERSON!!!!!!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Bathing Suit shopping.... need i say more?????
If bathing suit shopping isn't hard enough, try having a women in the room with you lifting and pulling and rearranging everything while giving you a look, as if to say there is no way you will ever compete? maybe that's not what she was thinking but standing in the room with a XS bottom on feeling like everything was hanging out all in the wrong areas and a top that did no justice whatsoever for my top half, that is what I was telling myself. In most peoples eye I look pretty good for having 3 kids and the youngest only being a year old, in most peoples eyes when I say I need to lose more weight they just laugh, and tell me no you don't. In most peoples eyes I am STRONG, CONFIDENT, and BEAST! but most people aren't the judges at this competition, not only are they going to see me in a swim suit that was probably made to fit a 4 year old but they will be looking past the pretty colors and sequence, to see every single muscle on my body, they will be looking at every striation and all definition they will be looking to see exactly how much FAT i have around the smallest part of my ARM! they wont feel bad that I have had 3 kids,they wont even know. I will be judged in a way that I think MOST women are AFRAID of.. I will be compared to the SKINNY CHICK right beside me, both of us will want to WIN and show that we are the BEST! both of us come from different backgrounds and have totally opposite stories, but it WONT matter, all that will matter is that I look the best I can and make sure that my body is the best it can be.. The eating is draining and boring, the work outs are exhausting and intimidating, the swimsuits are terrifying and loathing.... So you ask if ALL of this is so substandard and awful why do you do it???? The achievement of this Figure Competition is worth all the sweat,pain, and tears. To know that only a handful of women and men train and complete this kind of competition, I know I want to be in that percentile. I want to BE A FIGURE COMPETITOR! (bring on the BIKINI'S):)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
20 weeks out and a DOSE of REALITY after out measurements today!
The only way to be completely in this is to go ALL in with everything you have and never look back, one of my main reasons on doing the Blog is to keep me honest and to be able to look back at my journey when its finally over.but another big reason on doing this BLOG is to show how real women,moms,wives,ANYONE can do this! With the right motivation and heart anything is truly possible........
So to start out today I had my measurements this morning! I'm not starting out Competition ready I am a real person with 20 weeks left of HARD WORK AHEAD! I am at 25% body fat right now at 141.5 lbs, most women don't want to talk about their weight and measurements but to be completely honest to myself and the people reading the blog I want to lay it all out on the line!!! I want to show that I am starting from the bottom, yes I feel like I am in shape and I look good for having 3 kids but the diet and work outs are totally different from anything I have been doing... I feel like I am starting from scratch EVERY TIME I work out with my TRAINER!!! I am usually not a cry baby or so emotional but the past few weeks, the working out and diet combined I have felt like I will never get to my goal, i feel like I will never be competition ready? After today's weight and measuring I had a swift kick in my rear and a HUGE DOSE of reality... This is not going to be an easy 20 weeks, I'm going to have those days that I feel like I CAN'T do it! but I know that the reward out weighs all of the I CANT'S and turns them into, I WILL'S, I AM'S, I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So to start out today I had my measurements this morning! I'm not starting out Competition ready I am a real person with 20 weeks left of HARD WORK AHEAD! I am at 25% body fat right now at 141.5 lbs, most women don't want to talk about their weight and measurements but to be completely honest to myself and the people reading the blog I want to lay it all out on the line!!! I want to show that I am starting from the bottom, yes I feel like I am in shape and I look good for having 3 kids but the diet and work outs are totally different from anything I have been doing... I feel like I am starting from scratch EVERY TIME I work out with my TRAINER!!! I am usually not a cry baby or so emotional but the past few weeks, the working out and diet combined I have felt like I will never get to my goal, i feel like I will never be competition ready? After today's weight and measuring I had a swift kick in my rear and a HUGE DOSE of reality... This is not going to be an easy 20 weeks, I'm going to have those days that I feel like I CAN'T do it! but I know that the reward out weighs all of the I CANT'S and turns them into, I WILL'S, I AM'S, I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Diet,Work out, Diet, Work out, Diet, Work out.........................oh and be a MOM!!
Its day 5 of the new meal plan(Pre Season) and I have lost 2 lbs already! I guess I wasn't really eating enough after all??? meals like salmon,green beans,brown rice, and half of a sweet potato or 6 oz of grilled chicken on a huge bed of spinach with a 1/4 cup whole grain pasta are meals I really wasn't eating because I thought they had too many carbs and fats but in fact my body is seeming to really enjoy the change, I am less tired(don't be fooled 3 kids running around like crazy, teaching aerobic classes, and working out WILL make you tired) but adding in some more carbs are seeming to help:)
I am trying my hardest to take in this experience, I am not sue if I will do another competition but even if I decide to I want to make this first experience OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!
I am so excited to have the first TRUE wkout Thursday morning:) I know I should be nervous about the journey ahead, don't get me wrong I may be a little uneasy, but MOST of all I am so excited to be actually finally doing this!! I know this will be one of the most hardest things I have done, but I also said that about having a baby at 19, losing 100 lbs and running a half marathon.... but if everything in LIFE is easy then we would NEVER have TRUE SUCCESS stories, would we??????
I am trying my hardest to take in this experience, I am not sue if I will do another competition but even if I decide to I want to make this first experience OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!
I am so excited to have the first TRUE wkout Thursday morning:) I know I should be nervous about the journey ahead, don't get me wrong I may be a little uneasy, but MOST of all I am so excited to be actually finally doing this!! I know this will be one of the most hardest things I have done, but I also said that about having a baby at 19, losing 100 lbs and running a half marathon.... but if everything in LIFE is easy then we would NEVER have TRUE SUCCESS stories, would we??????
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Mom, Wife, Fitness Competitor?????
So first of all let me say that my "fitness journey" has been in process now for over 3 years, after having my second child I really wanted to not only look better but feel better. I began with small things, walking at the park, cutting out white carbs, and drinking more water, but seeing the results with just those small changes i decided to do it to the FULLEST and signed up at a local gym, and hired a trainer to help me with my eating habits(that btw I thought were FANTASTIC) boy was I wrong...2 years, 100 lbs, half marathon and a few 5k's under my belt I thought i had finally gotten to the end of my journey about to embark on my journey to be a Fitness Competitor.............WRONG...............baby number 3 was on the way and I thought all my hard work was about to go down the drain.
baby number three is 14 months now and I am back on track to my DREAMS!
I plan on competing in a local competition in 5 months, i have been training with a awesome trainer already but I have only been on the diet for 3 days, and start Competition training tomorrow. I am writing this blog not only to keep me motivated but to hopefully inspire ONE person, that even if you have kids, and you are a wife, and have a part time job, and you still need to lose weight....... with the right motivation your DREAMS can be a REALITY! hope you will stay tuned to the JOURNEY TO BE A FITNESS COMPETITOR.
baby number three is 14 months now and I am back on track to my DREAMS!
I plan on competing in a local competition in 5 months, i have been training with a awesome trainer already but I have only been on the diet for 3 days, and start Competition training tomorrow. I am writing this blog not only to keep me motivated but to hopefully inspire ONE person, that even if you have kids, and you are a wife, and have a part time job, and you still need to lose weight....... with the right motivation your DREAMS can be a REALITY! hope you will stay tuned to the JOURNEY TO BE A FITNESS COMPETITOR.
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