The Journey may have been long, but so worth it...

Pregnancy is suppose to be a beautiful thing, time to celebrate, buy new clothes, and EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! I like most women indulged in many different kinds of food while pregnant with my first child. I really thought, "hey, you are 18 years old, why not eat whatever you want, you have been trying to diet for years now and now is your time to indulge ALL of your craving's" so that is exactly what I did..... INDULGE is not the right word, GORGE...is more like it. 80 lbs later and my little man was born, after leaving the hospital I got a cheeseburger and swore it would be my last since when I got home later that day that is when my "DIET" would start.... 6 months later and only 25 lbs down, up all night nursing a baby and starving I thought why am I doing this to myself??? so I gave in I tried very hard to eat "well" but when it was all said and done I had no idea what eating well even meant. When my little man was about a year in a half and only losing not even half of my pregnancy weight I found out that we were expecting our second child... I was super excited but kind of bummed that I wasn't able to get all the prego weight off, I told myself that I wouldn't gain all that weight this time, i would keep working out like I had been doing and not eat for 2.... better said then done, after gaining 55 lbs with my second I topped the scale at 242 lbs weighing more than my 6 foot 1 husband and me being only 5'4 I was HUGE!! I was miserable  I became very depressed and discouraged thinking I would never be that "cute pregnant" person, i was always the bigger friend, always the heavier set one, bigger bones.... I felt hopeless on my weight loss journey and became very depressed after having my beautiful little girl. When my daughter was about 6 months old I finally went to the Dr and told them how I was feeling and they classified it as " post-part um depression" I got on medicine and started to feel a little better in general, but every time I walked by the mirror I was horrified, disgusted... many people say you have to LOVE yourself first before you can ever love someone else or make a change in your life, but how could I love something that I thought was so ugly???? When Maddie was about 10 months old I was so tired of feeling the way I did, so i began to take laxatives, NO they didn't make me lose much weight BUT I could eat whatever I wanted and not Gain.....one day my husband confronted me about them and i knew I had to be completely honest so I told him the truth about what I was doing to myself and how much I didn't love myself. He took all the laxatives out of the house (and to this day I am only allowed to drink coffee or tea to help regulate) :)  that day I knew I had to make a change in my life not only for me but for my entire family, God didn't want me to be so miserable, he wants me to LOVE myself for me, do I think that God wanted me to be skinny?? NO! but he does want his children to be happy and healthy, and the way I was living was neither.
July 2009 I decided to quit making excuses and get off my Fat, Unhealthy BUTT and do something about it, I began to eat better, and began to walk at the park, after walking at the park a few months I decided to but an elliptical and began to go to weight watchers to help me even more.... 6 months later and 30 lbs down I knew I wanted to push myself so I joined a local gym and talked with a personal trainer there to help even more with my diet and eating needs. I worked out very hard for 5 months and ate everything she told me to eat with just a few cheat meals a week and finally after a year of persistence I lost 100 lbs.... I felt better than I had ever felt before!! I was absolutely in love with myself, my family, and became closer to God through this experience, many people truly don't understand the will power you have to have to lose 100 lbs, the mind set you have to be in to say "NO" to certain foods, I would pray so hard sometimes for God just to not let me crave the oreos in my pantry:)
November 2010 I ran my first half marathon in 2 hrs and 15 min... a girl who just a year earlier was 242 lbs ran a Half Marathon in pretty good  time, I thought i was the Bomb, I knew I had finally reached a place in my life I was satisfied with what I looked like, but like most women we are never complete satisfied. That next week I committed to start training for a Figure Competition that was 9 months away, but God had a different plan for my life..... 5 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child:)  I was so happy and full of JOY, but in my head I was a wreck, I was so scared that I was going to gain all the weight back and have to start over from square one!!

Jumping ahead 10 months, and moving 1000 miles from home I had a beautiful baby boy and only gained about 28 lbs, but with a horrible c-section I felt like I was starting from square one when I stepped into the gym 9 weeks after having the baby, my body was so tired after just doing 15 min on the treadmill, I felt so weak and down on myself that I wasn't able to "bounce right back".. my hubby would tell me, sam you have had 3 kids/c-sections, and this last one was a horrible one, you will come back just wait" but  I didn't want to hear it, I was 175 lbs and starting to feel like I did before. I knew I was going to have to do something quick before the "old sam" came back. I stuck it out I began to workout 4 to 5 times a week for about an hour each time, i would lift weights and do cardio, but I wasn't losing like I wanted too.  When Colton was about 8 months old I decided I wanted to get a personal trainer, I needed someone to push me farther than I had ever pushed myself, I knew I still wanted to compete one day, but how can a mom of 3 kids, with stretch marks and some loose skin get on a stage and be in a bikini, how can a person commit to a very strict diet and work out regimen, I didn't know the answers to any of these questions but ONE thing I did know is that there are so many "women, moms" out there just like me and I wanted not only to do this to "prove" something to myself but I also wanted to help prove something to other busty, working or stay at home mom's, that it is possible to complete your dreams even if they are a little later then planned and you don't look the same way you used to, just to complete something like this will mean the WORLD to me.

here are a few pics that were taken over my weight loss journey, i have a few more I will be putting up once I find them, thanks so much for reading my story!

December 2011 I began working with a wonderful personal trainer, we begin to look at what I am eating and overall work out routine, in the just a month I had lost about 5 lbs and a 5 inches and I was so happy!! I was finally coming back, but I knew there was one more thing to accomplish before I said I had met ALL my FITNESS goals, ( A FIGURE COMPETITION) I begin talking with my trainer and telling her my dreams and my thoughts on competing, she wasn't sure but her being not just a trainer but a really good friend told me she would take it on and we began training for the competition which is in July 2012..... it is now May 2012 and I am 3 months away from my first ever competition, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, it takes not only physical strength but mental and a whole lot of dedication, but I look at the results each time we measure or weigh, i look where I have come from. I am now 136 lbs, i have lost a little over 105lbs and in the best shape of my life, I can do things now that i thought I would never be able to do again, I still have every day trials and obstacles when it comes to training and eating BUT when I look at my before pics and see where I have come from I feel so much Joy and Relief that's the "old Sam" that's not me anymore, i have truly changed in the past 3 years, i have become stronger, while overcoming a eating disorder, obesity, and horrible depression, I have realized we all go through things in life to make us stronger humans, my story is not the same as another, we are all unique when it comes to our weight loss/ fitness stories and goals, but we do have something in common, we ALL want to be better at the end of the day, we ALL want to look in a mirror and feel beautiful, NO being skinny or in shape doesn't define what kind of heart and soul you have but it does make you a much better friend, wife, mother to know that YOU LOOK good and you are in the BEST SHAPE of your life. My story is still not over and probably wont stop at just the competition, I know there are much more things out there for me to conquer and achieve, but I wanted to share what my struggles have been and what I have faced over the last 3 years to get where I am today, i hope you feel inspired that anyone can make a change in there life they just have to WANT IT!!  WANT IT BAD!!!!!!!