Competition is over..... now what am i going to do????

I know taking a shower isn't something that people make a big deal about, but for me taking a shower meant washing off the last part of this Fitness Journey, as I sat there watching the dark color come off my skin I realized, I did it, I was done, my hard work paid off and I was able to place 4th in my first ever Figure Competition. I accomplished something that most people can only dream of doing and only a small percent actually accomplish. I realized that these past 6 months weren't for nothing, everything I ate, drank, and took(vitamin and supplement) were all for a reason, everything had a purpose on making me the BEST that I could be.  Standing outside of the shower looking at a very different reflection in the mirror i asked myself, now what????
For 6 months now, I have been putting all my energy and heart into this goal of mine. This huge goal that I thought was so out of reach it seemed crazy to even try. The early morning work outs, the planning each meal and exactly what time to eat it and precisely how much to eat of it has been my entire life for 6 months. 6 months of having a goal, something to always strive for and a reason to push yourself that extra mile, because you know on stage you don't want to have any regrets. You want to know you gave your 110% at each workout session, at each meal, and at each posing class. You want to go into this knowing no matter the outcome you gave it all you had and some. So for 6 months that is what I did. I gave it my all, I trained my mind to look at food as energy a source to live off of, not something you can enjoy or over indulge yourself with. I looked at cardio as making my body as lean as it could be, and I looked at lifting weights as defining my muscles beyond what I could ever imagine.  before long, food became something I didn't even want, i was tired of eating, cardio/running went from something i truly loved to something i hated to do, and lifting weights became so intense my body became so fatigued after just one set.  but I knew that I had to push on. I had a goal insight and it was getting closer by the day.  When I talk about being completely in this with no questions, I really mean I was in this and whatever my trainer told me to do,  I did it. No questions asked, she jokes with me now saying if she had told me to do a sumo squat but put my hair in a bun and throw rice over my shoulder, she said she knows I would have done it in a heart beat! I was just that motivated and determined to do anything and everything to bring me closer to this dream of mine. So now this "dream" I had was an actual reality, it was something that was no longer in my future goals, it was a memory in my past, only "a few" memories of walking across the stage, only pictures now on my FB page that I look at every other day, trying so hard to remember what it felt like, what I looked like.
Most of you might think, gosh she doesn't sound happy about being done, how can someone not be excited to eat REAL FOOD again, well its not just that easy, "real food" well after doing what I did to my body even a piece of Ezekiel toast would have jacked it up, but I went farther than that, after 2 Pb&j sandwiches and chocolate covered almonds, after eating scrambled eggs and a biscuit the next morning, and after taking almost 2 weeks off from the gym to go and spend time with family and eating whatever I wanted,  MY BODY WAS DONE< IS DONE!!! it has no idea what I am doing to it right now, it is probably screaming at me saying, you starved me and depleted me of all nutrients and water then you want me to what, DIGEST??? yeah right, think again!! for the past 2.5 weeks i have felt so FAT, and when I mean FAT i mean BLOATED to the EXTREME! my bowels are screwed and EMOTIONS....ummmm yeah lets not even go there. I keep looking in the mirror trying to find the person that just walked across that stage 3 weeks ago, I keep looking over my shoulder at the gym waiting for someone to look at me different or someone to say wow you have changed in just a short time. I feel like everyone is judging me for gaining 5 lbs, knowing that there are 2 kinds of people at the gym, FIRST, you have the ones that know what you went through, watched your progress, and are that FLIPPING GOOD to see 5 lbs on the body, and I only know ONE person at our gym that can do that:) OR you have the other kind of people that have no idea I gained anything, they still think I look like i did on competition week :( they have no idea but its a nice gesture! either way though does it really matter what anyone thinks? and if so WHY??? I didn't go through all of this for anyone but MYSELF so why am I going to let a few "stares" (not even sure meant for me) bother me so much??
I mentioned to a few people I feel lost, like I have no GOALS anymore, but as I am writing this blog and  talking to my trainer, and just having time to reflect, I realized that I do have a FEW new goals, ONE, getting back to normal, its much easier said then done. it takes so much out of you physically and mentally and that much more to get it back:) TWO, try and help or motivate one person to fulfill there goals and dreams no matter how far out of reach they may seem. THREE... LOVE MYSELF! no matter at 130 lbs or 135 to make sure I look in the mirror and feel that same pride and achievement and sexiness that I did when I saw myself all dolled up Saturday morning. To give myself a break and let myself enjoy food again. To not be so into my diets and workouts that I lose sight of the important things in life, to enjoy moments with my kids again, and enjoy taking them to chickfila and eating a bite of there ice cream cone. To be OK with ME, and know that I accomplished something I never thought possible, but its in my PAST now and I only have the future to look towards, will another COMPETITION be in that path????? I still haven't answered that question just yet...............................;) ;)